Heavenly Bamboo Pillow

Yes… thats the same shit panda bears eat.

You wanna know how much bamboo is in this? Us too… probably heaps of it. Want guests to think you’ve been splashing that money around like a teenage Saudi at the Versace store? Well this shape-retaining fluffy mf’er is just what you’re looking for big dog! It’ll make any room luxurious… cops will cut this open because its so dope. Look at their little faces. I made that fam. Somebody gonna be like "whats that" and you can tell em that the purchase of this pillow shows you care more about the yoots laboring than they do. Then mush a pie in they face like Groucho Marx, and roll up a spliff… tell them jokers happy Hanukka.

Fancy throw pillows dont really have a middle ground b. Its either a velvet lion. Which means you do tarot card readings or are a college age Jamaican.

But these… this is the other kind.

This is so schmancy you gonna want to put on some smooth jazz and walk around with your robe undone.

• 100% Classy and guarenteed to lift that credit score

• This product does not come pre-stuffed with narcotics… or bamboo… i just said that. I dont even know how one would make a fluffy pillor or duvet cover out of wooden river branches. And you know what… neither do you. But this pillow is wild nice. So enjoy that shit and tell people its bamboo. They unsophisticated otherwise they wouldn’t be in your home… no offense lol.

• Fabric linen feels like rubbing your hand against Bert Reynolds car seats… or like doing gods laundry or something.

• Hidden zipper… pause

• Machine safe. So feel free to use this as a silencer. If you go all John Woo on somebody this pillow will muffle the shit out of that. You’d think we made it JUST FOR that.

• Shape-retaining 100% memory foam with organic silk spun free trade Tempur Pedic innards so soft you’ll want to punch a coworker in the face so you can get sent home early to curl up to this pillow while you sip some Yack Daniels.

• Blank product components in Merica… made by Mericans… naah.. just kidding… its too fancy to be domestic. This joint was sewn up in Lesotho. Tell people you got it on safari. You were learning about Shaka Zulu and saw this pillow and it was the last one. And when you bought it, the tour guide let you hit the j and put your feet up on the bus cause you’re a big boss hog guaptillionaire.